If an autistic person and a neurotypical person have a misunderstanding, it's always the autistic person's fault.

Autistic people think differently from neurotypical/non-autistic people. This can lead to misunderstandings and mis-communication. But not all neurotypicals think alike, and two neurotypical people can have misunderstandings and mis-communication. But apparently if an autistic person and a neurotypical person have a misunderstanding, it's always the autistic person's fault.

-Iris Gray

Communication Breakdown

I've got a lot of things that I could talk about in regards to autism, but I guess the thing that I have the most questions about and least understanding of is relationships. 

I'm a straight guy who's about to turn 26 and I'm a virgin and have never really had a girlfriend before, and I've kind of run out of excuses in what to tell people when they ask me why I haven't met someone or at the very least gotten laid.  For the latter part I just plain don't speak the language of casual sex, which makes sense because tons of the people I grew up with seem to speak it fluently, but for some reason I just don't.  My friends tell me I think too much, that may be true, but I have a mental block when it comes to communicating with women.  I flirt, every once in a while a girl will make out with me but it never gets farther than that.  It's not that there aren't any women out there that I don't like but I just don't feel comfortable going farther than casual flirting with any woman at this point in my life.

The reason for why I feel that way probably stems from where I am with my life.  I am still trying to build up a career in show business behind the scenes after being a reporter throughout my college years and failing at it after I graduated.  To be completely honest I feel like I haven't accomplished enough in life in order to deserve to be in a relationship.  Everyone tells me that's bullshit when I say that, but I feel like I'm not strong enough or don't have enough things going for me to really show that I'm enough of a man to deserve it.  I work my tail off to try and get my career going but ultimately I admit to being a very lonely person because I have trouble just being able to be one on one.

I guess that's probably the biggest negative impact autism has had on me my whole life.  Singing in public, being on television, giving a speech to hundreds of people, these are all things that come completely natural to me.  Having to be one on one with someone, with no cameras and be totally intimate about yourself scares the living daylights out of me.  The only way I meet women these days is by going to karaoke and singing, I flirt with women after I'm done singing because they like my singing voice, but that's as far as it goes and I never figure out why I can't seem to try and get to know any woman better.

Which brings me to what I want out of a relationship.  If I get involved with a woman she has to be someone I can communicate, and not just about music and movies or stuff on the surface that I'm into.  She has to be someone I can commune with philosophically on other matters who I can have a passionate argument with and then be able to laugh about it later. 

So I guess what it comes down to is that I want to have a career and I don't know how to balance out wanting that and wanting a relationship.  On top of that I have kind of a fear of intimacy and high standards for what I want.  So basically I feel doomed to be alone for the rest of my life.

Anonymous

From Detroit, MI

Resplendent- A Beautiful Poem by Kerrilynn Harris

Kerrilynn Harris is a wonderful and inspiring woman. She is a gifted, multi-talented, highly empathic mother, writer, creative; and self advocate on the autism spectrum. Like myself and many others, she was diagnosed in adulthood. Her honest and poignant writings describe her experience with coming to be in her autism; into her true self. She describes so frankly letting go of the expectations, the judgements, and bypassing the unhelpful "help"that has plagued us throughout our lives; until we become true to ourselves. Thank you Kerrilynn, fellow Au female heroine on the front line; she puts herself out there so that others will learn to understand us. It's important and excellent work. Check it out.

http://disabilityableismautismandmotherhood.blogspot.com.au/2013/06/resplendent.html

Resplendent

This shedding of layers, 

this unraveling of my soul, 

of my mind

it's a process,

a detox,

a liberation.

I'm fragile yet strong.

I'm broken yet healing.

I'm cracked,

yet I'll be filled with gold*.

Progress is lagging

Acceptance is an exertion.

Painful, raw.

Emotions histrionic.

Healing is auspicious.

Emergence is transpiring.

Fresh new soul,

newborn-like.

Mind changing, developing,

neural pathways.

Shedding, 

releasing,

toxic layer, 

after toxic layer, 

finally, revealed beneath the messy,

broken layers, 

is a new,

formed self.

A free self. 

Liberated. 

Loved. 

Whole.

Emergence.

A newborn creature,

a soul I now know and love.

Fragile, yet complete.

New understanding of self.

Finally wings are free. 

I emerge,

myself.

My true self.

Liberated and free.

Resplendent.

Kerrilynn Harris ©

Is it really easier for people to just let other people suffer than to help them?

It never ceases to amaze me: is it really easier for people to just let other people suffer than to help them? Is it really better for the government to spend billions of dollars on bigger and better bombs than to actually help people live decently? I don't think so... and that's why people like me will almost certainly never get elected to anything.
-Brian Melton

Why We Must Withstand And Fight Discriminatory Oppression -Brian Melton reminds me.

I posted a line from my poem, on my page: "Why should we change for you, why can't you change for us, the reality is this; we must not collect dust"...A highly worth response to think about:

 Their ability to understand others with empathy is limited and that is why they are so unlikely to change in time to save themselves and this planet. Back when their knowledge base was limited by primitive dogma and superstition, they would accuse of those that were different, including Aspies, of being possessed by or in league with an invisible magical being that they call the "Devil." Now, that many of the NT's have achieved some basic comprehension of reality and science sufficient to cast off their irrational belief systems, they still persecute us...only now it's in the name of "exorcising" us of our "disease." And that's how they operate, no matter the belief system or thought construct, they persistently find some way to pathologize us in order to justify whatever cruelty they inflict upon us in the name of "treatment." We need to organize better not just as a community, but also as a culture. We are not like them and we don't have to be...because we can act up, speak out, get our message heard, gather allies, organize protests and rallies, and, when all else fails...we can "lawyer-up" with the best of them. We need to start defining ourselves, getting our message heard, take control of our image in the general public, and fight everyone who just wants to medicate us into a stupor or institutionalize us because it's cheaper(for them and their institutions) than doing the right thing and working with us. We need to use whatever laws are most applicable to leverage the system in our favor. Until we do, we will continue to be scapegoated.

Thank you Brian Melton, brilliant; and very true.

The Incident At Arches

First week of June, 1981, my oldest brother took me on a camping trip
to Arches National Park, in Southern Utah.  We were driving all over,
hiking, taking photos and looking for a place to camp.

We found a beautiful oasis, and I told my brother that it was the
perfect campsite.  He said, "You can't camp there." I said, "Ok."
Later I said I want to camp in that oasis, again and again, I kept
saying I wanted to camp there, and we had a huge argument, so I
grabbed a sleeping bag and ran towards the oasis to prove it was
possible to camp there.

He grabbed me, and yanked me back in the
truck.  We argued for a long time about it. Turns out, he meant it was
illegal; I thought he was saying, "It's physically impossible", such as
"It's impossible to travel than the speed of light"!

Why don't people say what they mean?

Yours Truly,

Greg Allen
Salt Lake City, UT

Greggs' Story: I live in Utah, where it's very difficult for anyone "different" to fit in. I drank heavily for 30 years, I just thought I was extremely shy, and had a social anxiety problem....

I got my dream job as an imaging specialist at GE Medical clinic, and
they placed me right next to the Xerox machine, which made it
impossible to concentrate, so I was fired for lack of productivity.

I was also fired from another job, near BYU, which would have been
perfect, they said it was because of lack of productivity, but it was
actually because they wanted another Mormon, not a profane, drinking,
gambling low-life, (LOL)

There are at least 3 former employers (including my own brother) that
won't rehire me, because they don't want to hire somebody to watch me.

12 years ago I had a townhouse, new truck, and a nice job in
Milwaukee, now I'm broke, my credit is ruined, no job, no job
prospects, my parents are crazier than me and and in their eighties,
with failing health.

I also discovered not to stop taking Wellbutrin or Xanax suddenly. I
made a few death threats then nailed the bedroom door shut because I
though people we're trying to get in and kill me.

I want to run away and live in the forest with a horde of naked
animals. The only problem is it needs to be The Serengeti next to a
pharmacy and a liquor store. ;-)

Yours Truly,

Greg Allen
Salt Lake City, UT, USA