Thursday, October 6, 2016
For a female aspie friend who just came out to a "helping" organization ie. trying to get support for a sexual assault, and instead she was misconstrued somehow, thus discriminated against, and further hurt. (I know all too well what this is like) I'm pissed off:
"Help" places often discriminate against and mistreat aspies, especially aspie women (because of their denial problems re: aspergers' presence in women, and by the way I'm going to say aspergers though I know it's not in the DSM anymore because I feel it describes things better, because we're referring to insidious autism with verbosity - the presence of such a thing is often denied in women especially - but ironically and hypocritically, they discriminate against the very thing they're denying!)
These "helping" programs, places and figures tend to do the very opposite of help, they further harm and hurt. Sometimes I call it "unhelpful help" and sometimes it's flat out "harmful help." It's disgusting, and going to them about a serious matter only to get wing-slashed (alluding to Malificent) is a prime and severe example of autistic person abuse.
These outfits, and all social systems for that matter, badly need remedial training ie. how to handle a verbal autistic adult who seems "normal" to them but will have differences and disabilities with expression and communication, and therefore will present with their dilemmas in a divergent manner.
They need to understand that divergent presentation and affect in reaction to a serious problem does NOT equal illegitimacy of the problem, and in fact, the autistic adult is often *more* vulnerable if anything.
Therefore, undermining the autistic person and their problem parallels structural violence via neglect and/or abuse. Whether they intend for it or not - and they need to see that this is the result, and how that must feel to an autistic person. It is *so* traumatizing. Being traumatized on top of being traumatized, it's horrendous. It's like flicking acid on a wound. Scar tissue gets really deep and damaging that way you know.
They need an educational programme and all need to mandatorily go through with it. Remedial training. It'll be a great day when that happens. #autistic #aspergers #women #neurodivergent #disability #sexualassault #ethics #humanrights #help #selfhelp #advocacy
Tuesday, October 4, 2016
I'm not surprised by this article, at all (*article that I cannot share here, to keep anonymity. It's about the husband of this unnamed celebrity and the psychological mess state he is in, because of her*)
I don't say this at a whim about women who are "different" because I know how it feels to be an accused due to being misundersood strong-willed aspergirl...There really is a difference between NPDers and strong willed, more socially motivated "actor aspie" types, and it's almost like two polar opposites of a spectrum. Society is really poor at telling, and it looks "opposite same" because stuff like that often does, but there are key differences, most of them coming from internal motivations, but also external presentations. The innocent is more often accused whereas the guilty gets away with it. Society overall has it backwards, and I think it's cause overall most people seem programmed to obey and hail sinister forces as opposed to ones that can really lead positive change. Like favouring and hailing Henry the 8th over QE the 1st.
Anyways, back to Ms. J - in the case of her, and a few others I can think of, it's safe to say she's not just a misunderstood aspie, but a bone fide narcie. (I do love the movie Maleficent though, too bad it's her. *sighs*) In fact, I've been observing her long time and I have to conclude that I think she's a f***** psycho, and I don't know why everyone puts her on a pedestal/doesn't see through her. (Again, it's kinda backwards, the real narcies are seemingly put on pedestals, whereas the slightly awkward and trying hard, passionate-personality "actor aspie" types get accused of NPD and gaslit.)
It's like Joan Crawford ie. "mommie dearest" .. those kids, some of who she made herself look all "charitable" adopting, will likely be writing their own version of "mommie dearest" when they're grown. Poor things. They're rich but they're also prisoners. I know it all too well, having experienced this myself. This is why it's so insulting when ignorant ppl who don't know me have accused me of being this type, just because that "type" was my social role model and therefore some of my superficial social presentation sort of mimicked that (but in a bad, obviously awkward, mimicking way which you would think most people would recognize as awkwardness and not knowing how else to "act/say it" if they were at all astute...plus I don't do it much anymore I'm now just direct, take me or leave me.)
Yes, there's nothing more insulting that being a victim of a narcy parent, then being accused of being (and gaslit) that person who you strive to *never* be. However, back to Ms. J__ I think she's bona fide. I don't say that lightly.
Sunday, October 2, 2016
Oct. 2. 2017
I'm just thinking .. I really don't know how these people managed to stick their heads up there butts so far as to deny my EDS like they did, and far enough that for awhile they succeeded in gaslighting me..and I was starting to feel like I must be crazy. I think my EDS is actually pretty obvious. I have the look of an EDSer and I always have to some extent, but especially in the last 7-8 yrs. My skin is clearly very soft like that, I have the deep set eyes and even though I'm very short (5"1") I look taller because I have long somewhat lanky limbs, my arms go down longer than average like a marfan. I have the microgathnic jaw and crowded teeth/high narrow palate, the elfin appearance.
Like holy smokes..I realize now that these people were choosing to deny me. I know why. EDS care is a worldwide crisis. I get that the notion of establishing best-practice EDS care, in a socialized healthcare system especially, could be really financially taxing. That's not to defend "them", just saying what is.
They need to find solutions, regardless. But they're acting like "wasps in september", irate and defensive as their old ways are dying out and not working anymore, and new ways (and new budgets!) to solve these issues must be found. They're in a "No! We don't wanna!" thing here, and so they have been for awhile. The pressure is building though, and this stiff and creaky wheel will have to start turning a bit more fluidly soon. They cannot continue to do this to people. It only works for so long ...
With me, I think they knew all along, that I'm a zebra. They were just trying to keep it from me at all costs. That's why they inflicted that awful psychiatrist consult and horrific outcome onto me. I was tricked into that event, big time, and in that room, there was no normal discussion, only an interrogation that felt set up and preconceived in every way.
The first time at genetics they refused to do a blood test for Elliot and I, for the classical EDS gene. God forbid, it might be positive! I was actually called in to genetic counselling when pregs with Elliot because he had a thicker than average nuchal fold, which is a genetic marker of an anomaly, usually trisomy 21 (downs' syndrome) so we did an amnio and he was negative for Downs'..but I think that marker was to do with EDS.
Some of what they wrote in files alludes to that they always did know, like "do chest xray - in because suspected conn. tissue , but assure patient she's fine otherwise" Jerks eh? But seriously, in the long run, that game doesn't work with a genetic progressive illness. So silly...Silly lizard/toad brains ...they should not be allowed to get away with the kinds of systemic abuse that they inflict on zebras..but they do this to a lot of people, for varying reasons. Zebras and/or autistics do get the brunt for sure.
Being an autistic woman with EDS who tried to staunchly self-advocate, I got a mean double whammy of that! So funny that my head/neck are unstable.. are we sure there wasn't a Salem-esque rope put around it, lol? But I am healing now, and regaining my confidence back.
After years of gaslighting, I'm finally truly healing inside, in spite of being kinda battered physically at this point and in the full throes of systemic EDS - some of which was inevitable, but some of which I don't think would have been as bad if stress had not been like fuel on a pre existing fire.
Anyways, I can't think about what could have been, I have to focus on the now. It's too bad I was so gaslit and beaten down that I couldn't get on with my music then, but I'm doing it now, and I believe that even if it seems unfavourable, things happen for a reason. My music is stronger and more lyrically poignant because of what I went through. Rise Above is about that; being bullied and gaslit, being broken, and coming back together to stand up to it and hold your own, be true to your true story.
It's bionic time for sure! Ie. Now that finally "believe myself" enough to realize that I do need all this bracing, especially along spinal column, I'm starting to see that it's very very clear I have EDS, and I'm able to take control of my symptoms a bit, know where their coming from, and "get out there" more.
Things will change eventually, and it's starting to, you know when push comes to shove. We just need to keep chipping away at it.
-Rosie G. (from Brazen Musings of a Rainbow Zebra)
-Rosie G. (from Brazen Musings of a Rainbow Zebra)