Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Right Pissed

 After reading up on NLD and aspergers and also hearing from people in the know I think I can say that I might be an aspie. I was not diagnosed as being autistic or aspie as a child because of my reading comprehension and my ability to communicate effectively through writing and speech. However, I must note that socializing, body language, abstract thinking, mathematics, "taking a hint" etc, were retarded. Now I know people think of "retarded" as a bad word. People get their knickers in a knot about it because it has been used as an insult. I don't care if people call me retarded because in other ways I am more advanced then they are. I have different gifts and skills and so do they.

I am not sure but I think that "retarded" simply means something is delayed or slow. How much effort would it be required to not get pissed over one word? I have been given the label of "crazy" yet I don't go on a crusade to make sure no one uses that word. Its bloody ridiculous. I am more concerned over someone being physically harmed or berated or lambasted or demonized. One word does not easily describe a person and if you, my readers, ever have been given a negative label just know that the particular person that labelled you probably is insecure and has some sort of deficit in his/her life.  People do not attack others for no reason. Its very likely that someone will be belligerant if they are experiencing trouble of their own.


 The more I try to plug into this world the more I hate it. I can't stand all the nonsense that is spewed on a regular basis by pundits and people "in the know". I have tried to care about the planet at large and people of all nations and belief systems. But my compassion no longer exists for those that harm people because someone disagrees with their doctrine and it is downright maddening. Religious extremists, political extremists, bankers, military leaders, governors all piss me off.They take advantage of the trust and kindness shown to them. I feel as though I can't trust almost anyone because I have been taken advantaged of in the past or used as some sort of "buddy" or patsie. The friends I have tagged in this note are all people thatt I have had good conversations with and that I respect for one reason or another. I don't respect people just because it is what everyone else is doing. I don't respect people because they are part of a trend. What I observe, what I hear, what I see from people is what determines how I address that person.

I have found is that there is a very small amount of people of high intelligence and skill who easily manipulate the stupid and ignorant. They easily manipulate and educate people through the schools and media in a manner that will make them produce capital through their labour.  The mass media is very much like that which was show in George Orwell's 1984.  It is there and its always on all the time and people sit and just watch it for hours on end.

We do have the "two minutes hate" and a lot of propaganda through advertisements on youtube for example such as "Gateway Facts.". Its bothersome. I've tried to disconnect because my health is more important than correcting someone on facebook or reddit. I am starting to feel old again and I have gained some wisdom but in general I do not think I am anywhere that I should be. Even writing this novel of sorts is not wise. Oh well.

I am frustrated that people simply give up their dreams and just work like a slave for people that do not care about their well being and do not give them opportunities to advance and to create. What bothers me the most is that I have been given some opportunities but not on my terms but someone else's. I have to shut up and stick to someone's plan otherwise I do not get to benefit from work. Being paid and using that money is a good thing in some ways but a person should be able to work at something that is rewarding. If working at a grocery store is someone's dream, by all means help that person reach that goal. But those with gifts need to be encouraged to express themselves and in a constructive manner. Its the people that feel cheated by the school system and the adult world system that cause a lot of trouble. There are too many people, myself included that feel helpless and trapped. Something has to give eventually. It will happen, people will act like chimpanzees eventually.

Overall I think I am growing up and I ask for help and understanding as I go through the process of reconnection. Please be patient with me, I have a lot of heavy shit on my mind and its difficult at times to even take care of my basic needs. I am just too depressed to care some days. It will take time. A lot of time. I am learning albeit slower than average.

-Nathaniel Allen

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