Tuesday, November 26, 2013

It's You're Right To Be, Feel and Speak. -by Faye O'Neill

``On the bus I took home this morning, a girl who presented differently got on the bus. The way she dressed was unique and quirky, well groomed. She was quiet, or shy, or withdrawn; whatever you want to label it as, looking down as to avoid eye contact with people she didn't know.

Now on the going cross town, the second bus I took today there was a little girl with her mom, who loved her very much. The first thing I heard was "Mommy look there he is again!'' She was referring to a sea otter in the Gorge Basin/Inlet. This wasn't what caught my attention, but what followed next did. The little girl was grumpy, her mom asked ''Why are you grumpy? Cause we don't have your ice cream cone yet? We'll get it soon! I love you soo much!'' In the most supportive loving and patient voice I have ever heard. ''The green sticker is not straight!''. I didn't notice if the mom said anything after this, But it was peculiar to me that the same some what similar feeling came to me. Two different people and two different buses.

So the third bus I took there I was wasn't long after the second incident. maybe 15 minutes. I was waiting behind some teenage girls who were getting off at the same stop as me. Behind me was a woman, her dress style was again unique, quirky but not ratty. Exactly like how I dress. When the bus came to a stop she asked me very politely '' excuse me''. I thought this odd but I turned back to her and politely responded '' I'm just waiting for them to get off first''. Then, we got off the bus and I'm texting my brother about this, since I found it odd. She asked me again politely what time is it. I told her the time. She then asked me is the bus normally late or early, again I replied ''I dunno, sorry.''. I thought it odd she herself didn't have a watch; but again I can't wear watches either, they just stop working. I then heard her ask another lady what time it was. I was beginning to ask myself, is this a coping mechanism to ensure that she is where she is supposed to be at a very specific time?

Then I guess it dawned on me. 'Wow. how many people have autism? LFAUS? Lots! HFAUS? Lots! Auspergers? Lots! PDDNOS, like me? Lots! How many of them are diagnosed? Lots, but many more not.' So, I came to the conclusion that hey, maybe they are ALL trying to learn how to function in a world, like me, that isn't built well for us.

Now I'm not saying EVERYONE I encounter is autistic, but I have become more aware of the world around me, and I'm NOT the only different one here. We are all unique and we all face daily challenges that take their toll.

My one last word of advice is, and this is for all who care too read to the very end; there are people out there who will pretend to be your friend. There are negative people and negative places. Sometimes it takes a few beat downs, unfortunately, to learn who is worth having around and who is not. If you find yourself in situations with people who make you feel like you have done something wrong, but won't say what. If you're unsure of whether you have or have not in fact done something wrong, go with what your energies tell you. It's probably not your fault, it's theirs. Their two face behaviors, their whispers, their unspoken, but obvious energies say what a million words cannot...and don't be afraid to speak your mind. Even if you can't do it in person because you have no f****s left to give, say it somewhere; on It`s Not Ok, on facebook, on youtube, your own personal blog, or on a piece of paper. And you know what, those of you who love you will support you, and those who don`t will pretty much f**** right off.
Be brave and strong, because not everyone you meet will like you though they pretend, not everyone you meet will like what you have to say, but for f**** sakes it's your right to say it. Just be safe when you say it. You don`t need to be put in harms' way.  If you don`t say it somewhere you're in for a world of of guilt, self hating, undue stress, mental over loads, and complete shut downs.

After all my negative drama, I got the support I needed . I have a world full of people who care, friends, a brother, a roomy and my besty! People I never see anymore. Whether you know them in person or not. Whether you have never even said hi to them on face book. If you post something on a girl outside the box face book group, I will read.  Post something on It's Not Ok. I will read.  If you make a youtube video and put a link on the face book group as well, I will watch it! I want to be a support for someone who needs it.  Even if it`s only me sending out my prayers of healing. One person I do feel safe mentioning by name here is Rose. Thank you!  Thanks to all of you who read this. I think many people need to hear these words."
-Faye O'Neill

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