Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Meltdowns and Overload - Learning and Reflecting. -Nathaniel Allen

There was a link posted by Rosie Guedes I read today. It was about meltdowns that autistic people experience. I gathered that what they go through, especially the children go through is very, very similar to the situations I faced as a child and teenager. I still get into the head space that I have to run away or find a quiet place in a building and find a way to make it only a bit of light, nothing too bright.
Going into busy supermarkets is an assault on my senses and its very uncomfortable for me to be in them. Just going to the local mental wellness center is very draining. Trying to process all the information from the speech and body language of those around me is quite difficult. I can't keep up with it at all, It gets exhausting and today in one part of a new course I was bulding into a near panic state. I was able to get through it with sheer determination. Some things that may appear to be mundane are incredibly difficult for me to handle. I appreciate the patience and understanding of those I have met through Centennial Place and those I have also met online via Facebeook. 
When I was a kid I was regularly picked on and attacked physically by my peers. I never felt like I fit in any kind of way and teasing and bullying became something that I had to get used to. As I grew older the abusive behaviors of my peers became far too subtle for me and I got confused and bewildered by all the puberty and early adulthood nonsense. I just couldn't quite "get it". People seem to be flying past me at supersonic speed and I just want to stand under a lilac and smell the flowers.
I had meltdowns. I would go all berserk mode, Super Saiyan, when backed into a corner, I had full blown panic attacks at school. I have lost so many oppportunities because of things that I have had to put immense amounts of effort into managing. It just hasn't been easy. I get quite frustrated at my lack of progress but I am slowly realizing that I actually have done rather well considering the challenges I have faced. I am thankful to have met several interesting people that have opened my eyes a slight bit, 
Basically 2014 and the last 2 months have been the most peaceful days in my life. I kid you not. I may not have many friends to spend time with but I am slowly becoming more used to being on my own and enjoying time spent away from other people. I do enjoy company but I am not the kind of person that goes out and parties. I like peaceful surroundings. 
Which brings me to what should be my main point. I am learning more about myself than I have in 8 years, The work of people like Rosie Guedes and the hard work of the members and staff of Centennial Place has helped me immensely. I have been educated on Aspergers, NLD, Autism, by Rosie and her friends and there have been posts made that have struck a chord in my mind. I appreciate it. 
Thanks for reading this and I hope you all have a good week.

-Nathaniel Allen

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