"Eccentric greats, cookie cutter fakes" - Chris P.

"You know, once upon a time, people of differing minds were appreciated. James Brown would be a crazy today. Janis Joplin would be also. Notice how today we don’t have very many eccentric musicians or artists? 

It’s all cookie cutter and anything outside of what is considered normal and mainstream is 'omg soo weird!' 'oooh awkward!' everything outside of a trend is a deficit, disorder, or a syndrome. 

People who are different or who march to the beat of their own drum are looked down upon harshly in this society. 

If you look hot though, and have social skills, and say all the lingo effortlessly.. You're good. You could be obnoxious, annoying and as loud as ya want to be and if you look like a model and you're extroverted, the world will eat out of your hand!

The DSM is as bad as a Bible. its used to discriminate against different groups of people far too much than it helps.

Notice you dont have any ozzy osbournes or little richards or even comedy that has an eccentric bend to it these days. Hollywood, the same. You gotta look beyond america if you want real eccentricity; the story lines and the humor thats raucous, mischevious, and downright clevor and funny. I love foreign films …

I just had to rant!”

 - Chris P. 

Meltdowns and Overload - Learning and Reflecting. -Nathaniel Allen

There was a link posted by Rosie Guedes I read today. It was about meltdowns that autistic people experience. I gathered that what they go through, especially the children go through is very, very similar to the situations I faced as a child and teenager. I still get into the head space that I have to run away or find a quiet place in a building and find a way to make it only a bit of light, nothing too bright.

Going into busy supermarkets is an assault on my senses and its very uncomfortable for me to be in them. Just going to the local mental wellness center is very draining. Trying to process all the information from the speech and body language of those around me is quite difficult. I can't keep up with it at all, It gets exhausting and today in one part of a new course I was bulding into a near panic state. I was able to get through it with sheer determination. Some things that may appear to be mundane are incredibly difficult for me to handle. I appreciate the patience and understanding of those I have met through Centennial Place and those I have also met online via Facebeook. 

When I was a kid I was regularly picked on and attacked physically by my peers. I never felt like I fit in any kind of way and teasing and bullying became something that I had to get used to. As I grew older the abusive behaviors of my peers became far too subtle for me and I got confused and bewildered by all the puberty and early adulthood nonsense. I just couldn't quite "get it". People seem to be flying past me at supersonic speed and I just want to stand under a lilac and smell the flowers.

I had meltdowns. I would go all berserk mode, Super Saiyan, when backed into a corner, I had full blown panic attacks at school. I have lost so many oppportunities because of things that I have had to put immense amounts of effort into managing. It just hasn't been easy. I get quite frustrated at my lack of progress but I am slowly realizing that I actually have done rather well considering the challenges I have faced. I am thankful to have met several interesting people that have opened my eyes a slight bit, 

Basically 2014 and the last 2 months have been the most peaceful days in my life. I kid you not. I may not have many friends to spend time with but I am slowly becoming more used to being on my own and enjoying time spent away from other people. I do enjoy company but I am not the kind of person that goes out and parties. I like peaceful surroundings. 

Which brings me to what should be my main point. I am learning more about myself than I have in 8 years, The work of people like Rosie Guedes and the hard work of the members and staff of Centennial Place has helped me immensely. I have been educated on Aspergers, NLD, Autism, by Rosie and her friends and there have been posts made that have struck a chord in my mind. I appreciate it. 

Thanks for reading this and I hope you all have a good week.

-Nathaniel Allen

Selfishness vs. Self-Preservation. -Chrissy Shahankary

"It's survival. if one didn't fulfill their own needs and desires then they would die or be just plain miserable. There's a fine line between selfishness and self preservation. Society's view is blurred. Psychology's view even more so..its hard to see from anothers point of view from such a high horse."

-Chrissy Shahankary 

Folders - by Nathaniel Allen

The world was not made for us. We don't fit into the file folders made for us that apparently can apply to the majority of people. We have "different" needs because we are "different". We are not people that need to be cured or modified. We are what we are. Sensitive types, odd balls, the eccentric. Instead of trying to tamper with what should not be modified to serve a selfish purpose we as a society should find the gifts of those we know and encourage and facilitate the enjoyment of those gifts. There is a lot of potential out there if one listens and observes in a mindful manner.

- Nathaniel Allen

Missing Pieces - by Eden Colvert

Do you know what it's like to have a body part stop working kind of sudden like? Feels weird doesn't it? The bad part is never knowing when this will occur or the frequency that might cause a ripple effect and affect more areas. It makes it interesting to think of whether you can make it through the day without randomly missing a body here or there along the way. To start missing toes is rough when it happens anywhere else except for home, as I don't need shoes for here only there if I can't manage to make it there without them. It also makes people constantly ask me if I know that my shoes are untied when I don't tuck the ends of my laces inside before I put them on and I try not to reflexively kick them off when my toes fall off/curl under and do all those wonderful that I'd rather they didn't. Gotta be careful not to drop things when my fingers seem to have temporarily disappeared from where I normally keep them things hanging around and thankfully we have handles to prevent those occasional spills going everywhere deals and another banged up breakage scenarios in play. I still have a few coffee cups with handles still intact but hard to find one without a chip or crack. Which is what makes me such a clutz at times and randomly grabbing to clutch something, anything in reach before my legs vanish from underneath me and I go down to give my fish out of water interpretive dance moves right before you're very eyes. WAIT, whatever you do don't call an ambulance too quickly, just so you might witness my flight or fight moves of a startled dear caught in the headlight PTSD freakshow delight of winner take all. You really want to see if it turns into a slugfest if the emergency personnel ain't extremely careful of their movements around me, yes I do know that I have a seizure disorder that I can't be prescribed any of the current traditional medical treatments that are popular at the moment. Instead I'm currently on a non-scientific traditional medical treatment that is currently unpopular because of it's traditional roots that predate modern scientific medical procedures. So call me what you will, any vile thing you can think of because in the end you'll call me doctor too :-D

-Eden Colvert 

Shadow Woman

All my life i have felt isolated and excluded from a life, a society i have admired and been mesmerised by. People to me became robots , i felt as if i had been placed in a world which isn't a part of reality. Everyone seemed too perfect. I have always  encountered issues which i had kept silent about and never shone a light on.

Making friends was excruciatingly difficult. People would leave me and i would be left puzzeled as to what i had done wrong. Why did they not want to be my friends?. I realised i had to act and create a persona similar to these robots. I didn't understand their jokes, sarcasm or why certain things were funny to the majority. I just pretended to understand those social ques. Most thought i was naive, stupid or a clown. In reality i just didn't understand. I observe these beings around me in wonder as to why they act and talk the way they do. It's like i wasn't as mature as them or i was lacking the initiative they had.

Handwriting has always been a huge problem for me . I miss out letters or draw squiggles even though i visualise it differently. I have an inner voice, my real perception of this world which i hide.

My teachers assume that i plagiarise, that i copy other peoples work. They view me as a teenager who is not capable of writing  well. The way i want to talk after observing people just wouldn't  be socially exceptable. People would think i am obnoxious, big headed or see my self as being superior. More than that weird.

I can understand why because i am a very philosophical person from all the analysing and deep thinking i have done all my life. Most thought i was depressed or rude. I just wanted to understand society, to know where i belong.  I wanted to be able to have similar facial expressions and hand gestures. It was all so alien to me.

Loud sounds to me are like an earthquake. I tried to train myself to endure loud sounds without having to cover my ears. This was by listening to loud music. However the only thing i gained from doing that was  being able to withstand loud music.

I feel like I'm walking but my feet just quite don't touch the ground.  Work which i don't find stimulating by being challenging is hard to do because it's boring. The grades may show i am an average or lazy student but the fact is i am not interested.

All my life i have been noted as  being the weird person. I would try and hide my unsual behaviour. For example twisting my arms, moving my jaw awkwardly and biting my hands when anxious or happy. It's  so  embarrassing when i do these actions but i can't control myself. Doctors have ignored me. Told me to listen to music and have my teachers help me. I am leaving school soon to go to university. It's too late, all i can hope is now that my life becomes easier, that i accomplish my goal of being normal.

University for me i think will be positive. I am going to study something i have a passion for and i think i will be able to understand. It is the perfect escape route. The perfect mixture of black and white, logic and wonder and, pessimism  and optimism. For once i will be able to see my goal, the white light in the darkness. The colour black will bring shape and shade to the different exits and entries within  my mind. I will know where i stand. For once in my life i might feel normal. Biochemistry is the subject which won't make me feel isolated. Even though i have people around me, I'll have a place where i think I'll be able to fit in, belong  and express myself.

-Shadow Woman

Differing Viewpoints - by Eden Colvert

You never know when you catch the eye of another looking at you from across the room, what it is they think of you in that moment alone. I know that some look and think "beautiful but dumb" and are shocked the moment they hear them speak.  Others look and think looks good but I wonder.............well let me edge closer to hear them talk and OMG what a waste, dumber than a box of rocks but that's ok we can be friends but never lovers...........some look at only the outside while not really wanting the inside, while others look at the inside without really wanting to touch the outside at all.  When these 2 meet and the sparks begin to fly back and forth from one to another being the polar opposites that they are, starting off with the silly banter of the one looking at the outside and giggly replies of the one looking at the inside. The one looking at the outside showers all manners of words in hope to find the magic words that they have been taught to use to unlock that which they want in that moment alone, while the one looking inside giggles as they take those magic words and rearranges them in a more magical way to hand back in their exchanges of keys to locks...............which way will it go in the quest to unlock that of their highest desire in that moment alone, for you see the one looking at the inside can never become as one who looks only at the outside, but the one looking at the outside can become as one who looks at the inside too.

-Eden Colvert